WINMX Assorted Textfiles/Ebooks.tar/Text - Humor - How To Survive Dull Sermons.txt

Text File | 2003-08-15 | 2KB | 35 lines

21 Ways to Survive Even the Dullest of Sermons

1)  Pass a note to the organist asking whether he/she plays requests
2)  See if a yawn really is contagious
3)  Slap your neighbour. See if they turn the other cheek. If not, raise your
    hand and tell the priest
4)  Devise ways of climbing into the balcony without using the stairs
5)  Listen for your preacher to use a word beginning with 'A' then 'B and so
    on through the alphabet. You may get stuck on 'Q' unless your preacher is
    preaching against homosexuality.
6)  Sit in the back row and roll a handful of marbles under the pews ahead of
    you. After the service, credit yourself with 10 points for every marble
    that made it to the front
7)  Using church notice-sheets or newcomers cards for raw materials, design,
    test and modify a collection of paper airplanes.
8)  Start from the back of the church and try to crawl all the way to the
    front, under the pews, without being noticed.
9)  Raise your hand and ask for permission to go to the lavatory.
10) Whip out a hankie and blow your nose. Vary the pressure exerted on your
    nostrils and trumpet out a rendition of your favourite hymn.
11) If the sermon goes on for more than 15 minutes, start blowing bubbles.
12) Pretend to be 4 years old
13) Try to indicate to the minister that his fly is undone
14) By unobtrusively drawing your arms up into your sleeves, turn you shirt
    inside out.
15) Try to raise one eyebrow
16) Crack your knuckles
17) Think about your chin for an entire minute
18) Twiddle your thumbs
19) Twiddle your neighbours thumbs
20) Wiggle your ears so that the people behind you will notice
21) Practice smiling insincerely